Today I learnt that you shouldn’t take it for granted that you can have a conversation with someone another time. There might not be another time.
Today I learnt that someone I had something to say to has died suddenly, shockingly, young. She was beautiful, vibrant, strong, a force of nature. She also had a complicated life and was struggling to stay married last time I saw her. I was a peripheral part of her life but we had such a rich, personal, funny, human conversation. She told me she had suffered from severe depression in the past. I would have had no idea.
Later I wanted to say something to her. That our circles overlap with those of other people and we have to dwell with them in that space. She and her wife had retreated to the far sides of their circles, one into hyperactivity and one into inactivity. Amid the pressure of their marriage they had become extreme versions of themselves, and in doing so had alienated themselves from each other. I wanted to say to her: get back to that middle ground, find the place where you overlap, and love the woman you loved in that space. I felt it so strongly that I wanted to draw it as a sketch and give it to her.
I don’t know how or why she’s died but I can never have that conversation. It may have meant nothing to her in any case, but it was something I thought I needed to say and I simply didn’t bother.
I can’t believe someone so full of life has gone, so suddenly. Those close to her must be utterly devastated. I hope I’ll learn from her death to have the conversations that matter. Sometimes tomorrow really never does come.